Because it will all come together in the end

It seems like there are weeks when I'm dying to have something to do and weeks where I'm dying I have so much to do. It'd be nice if it could all even out. Like levelized utility billing for work.
My family is coming this weekend and I can't figure out when I'm going to do things like wash the guest room sheets, vacuum the carpets, get groceries, etc. It's been busy enough that I can barely figure out when to do the normal routine housework like laundry, clutter removal and dish washing.
However, for the first time in, like, ever, I'm able to get ahead on my work work. I've got a good jump on Advent and I even already have the bulletin ready for two Sundays ahead. (Now, as for that week's sermon...) Still. It feels really good.
I get overwhelmed easily when stuff piles up. People tell me to make lists, but then I look at all the stuff on them and want to throw up I get so panicked that it will never all get done. Trouble is, I get paralyzed with panic sometimes. I get so overwhelmed, I don't know what to do, where to start. It annoys the hell out of DH, but he's good at giving me a push in the right direction. (Ok, sometimes it's a not-so-gentle shove.)

Pushing the Reset Button

Every now and then you get to a point in life where hitting "reset" is about all you can do. It can't go on like it is, nothing I do seems to be working. The only thing to do is go back to the start. I'm there. But I'm glad. It's time to start over and maybe this time things will work out a lot better. I'm older, wiser, and braver. I know better who I am and what I need. All those things bode well for a reset.
If I can make it through the transition, I know I'll come out better for it on the other side. There's a lot of pain associated with it though. Knowing I messed things up so bad that I can't even begin to fix it, and that's why a reset is the only option. I can't go back and change things, but I can make a fresh start. That's all I want--another chance.
My biggest fear is that I can't do it. I mean, I've already screwed up the first go round. What's to say I won't do it again? Hopefully some life experience will help, but I am not a confident person to begin with, so it's easy for me to doubt my abilities to get it right. I don't think I can stand another epic fail. I'm more than grateful that I've even gotten this second chance--I'm pretty sure I don't deserve it.
The biggest factor though is that it's a human relationship. There's a whole other person involved and their thoughts, feelings, etc. That is a gigantic wild card at least from my end of things. I can't control or even sometimes predict what the other person will do. This makes it hard for a control freak like me. If I can't control you and your responses, how can I know how to react to you? (If you're not a control freak, this makes absolutely no sense to you, I know.) That's where all the pain has come from. I've had to totally let my vulnerability hang out there to hit the reset button. It was the only way.
I have this massive emotional 'hangover' from all of it. My life feels upside down now. I have no idea how things will turn out. I have no clue if it will work. I just know that this time, I'm willing to do whatever it takes, even give up some control, to get it right.